It's now official-I am one of the 11.4% available and seeking work in California. I have two phone interviews scheduled for this week for possible contract positions, and I've submitted resumes expressing my qualifications for other full-time positions. Now comes the waiting part.
A good friend put it best for me "You'll go back to work when someone wants you to go to work for them, not when you want to go back to work." I am struck by how simple and straightforward that sounds, but it is also very profound. I can do the footwork of looking for a job -- take the outplacement workshops, write and revise my resume, send my resume to every job lead that comes my way--and it still is out of my hands whether I get a job today (or not). A prospective employer will review my resume for my qualifications and salary requirements. then determine whether the job requirements (and the budget) are a good fit. I need to be reminded that there is a Golden Rule: "Those that have the gold make the rules."
So, at this fork in the road, which employer do I really want to work for (and by what rules)? As I have had time to ponder the past layoffs I've endured, I need to acknowledge that somehow all of my needs were being provided. I'm still hounded by Doom and Gloom (those self-centered fears of losing what I have or not getting what I want), but I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on the table.
So perhaps I need to be reminded that this time, like the other times, that all of my needs will be provided, as long as I acknowledge who my real Employer is, and I just need to perform the footwork laid before me.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Act As If...
A good friend of mine commented on Deja Vu (All Over Again) about insanity as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". As for me, I would say that the notion that man is (somehow) in control of his fate is the basis of all delusions.
I once had the attitude that it was my top priority in life to satisfy my legitimate needs, desires, and concerns. So, therefore, I livd my life as if I had every right to do what I needed to do to "make it happen".
However, I eventually have come to the conclusion that my will gets me into trouble. I had to accept that much of my troubles are of my own making -- it is in fact a delusion to act as if I can play God in my life (or the life of any others).
When I didn't "make it happen", I found that I usually felt either inadequate or deprived. I tended to either blame myself for not "managing well", or I allowed Doom and Gloom (those self-centered fears of not getting what I want or losing what I have) to blame "them" for getting in the way. This gave me the justification to push even harder.
Driven by ambition or frustration, my will would often put me in collision with people, places, situations, and outcomes. Like that bull in the proverbial china shop, I inevitably ended up offending (or actually harming) others seemingly without provocation -- and they often retaliated.
So each morning, I ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives. What I find throughout the day is that self-pity, dishonesty, and self-centeredness do have a way of sneaking back into my psyche, subtly distorting my thoughts and actions so that I am not always so sure if I am in God's will or my will.
A common term for this malaise is "doubt". It's not so much whether I believe that God exists or doesn't exist (I happen to believe that He does). It's that I'm not so sure whether the choices that I make throughout the day are aligned with my will or God's will -- and ultimately whether I'm willing to accept the outcomes of those choices.
Doubt seems to be that place where my faith meets my fears. Any doubts that I have lead to choices of whether I believe that "I know what's best for me" or "God knows what's best for me". My experience tells me that my doubts usually lead to fear whenever I make choices based on my will, along with the guilt and shame of knowing that I'm ultimately responsible and accountable for the outcomes. My experience also tells me that my doubts usually lead to faith when I make choices based on God's will, along with the acceptance and serenity of knowing that He is ultimately responsible and accountable for the outcomes.
I once had the attitude that it was my top priority in life to satisfy my legitimate needs, desires, and concerns. So, therefore, I livd my life as if I had every right to do what I needed to do to "make it happen".
However, I eventually have come to the conclusion that my will gets me into trouble. I had to accept that much of my troubles are of my own making -- it is in fact a delusion to act as if I can play God in my life (or the life of any others).
When I did "make it happen", I found that I was rarely satisfied. Somehow, my life was still not complete, so I raised the ante. I transformed those legitimate needs, desires, and concerns into expectations about "how things should be". This gave me the rationalization to push even harder.
When I didn't "make it happen", I found that I usually felt either inadequate or deprived. I tended to either blame myself for not "managing well", or I allowed Doom and Gloom (those self-centered fears of not getting what I want or losing what I have) to blame "them" for getting in the way. This gave me the justification to push even harder.
Driven by ambition or frustration, my will would often put me in collision with people, places, situations, and outcomes. Like that bull in the proverbial china shop, I inevitably ended up offending (or actually harming) others seemingly without provocation -- and they often retaliated.
So each morning, I ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives. What I find throughout the day is that self-pity, dishonesty, and self-centeredness do have a way of sneaking back into my psyche, subtly distorting my thoughts and actions so that I am not always so sure if I am in God's will or my will.
A common term for this malaise is "doubt". It's not so much whether I believe that God exists or doesn't exist (I happen to believe that He does). It's that I'm not so sure whether the choices that I make throughout the day are aligned with my will or God's will -- and ultimately whether I'm willing to accept the outcomes of those choices.
Doubt seems to be that place where my faith meets my fears. Any doubts that I have lead to choices of whether I believe that "I know what's best for me" or "God knows what's best for me". My experience tells me that my doubts usually lead to fear whenever I make choices based on my will, along with the guilt and shame of knowing that I'm ultimately responsible and accountable for the outcomes. My experience also tells me that my doubts usually lead to faith when I make choices based on God's will, along with the acceptance and serenity of knowing that He is ultimately responsible and accountable for the outcomes.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Easy Come, Easy Go...
I arrived to work at my usual time yesterday, when my colleague stopped by cubicle to quietly let me know that layoffs were happening and that two writers were already gone. A few minutes later, my manager stopped by and asked to meet with me privately.
He simply told me that the company was going through a reorganization instituted by the new CEO who arrived last August, and that I was being laid off with several others who worked for my manager. After six months, just like that, I lost a permanent full-time job, along with the perks that I didn’t have for the two years I worked as a contractor: the health insurance , sick leave, accrued vacation, 401(k) plans, stock options, and the 20 minute commute.
It seems so straightforward now, as if it was somehow scripted to happen the way that it did. Yet, as I look back over two years ago when I began this journey, every step that I have taken along the way haven't been as orderly as I would like (see my post Changing Times). There have been many forks along the way, where my choices have brought me to a place where I am today. Along with those choices has been the endless chatter of Doom and Gloom (or those self-centered fears of losing what I have or not getting what I want) that made me constantly worry about would happen if the other shoe fell.
Well, at least for today, the other shoe has fallen on solid ground. As has happened many times before, I've updated my resume and my LinkedIn profile, as well as contacted recruiters who know me. But I have also made the choice today to ask for help from friends and colleagues, and they gave encouragement and support in return. I also asked God on a daily basis to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives (see New Year's Resolution).
I realize that I am only really responsible for the footwork, and that I need to turn over the outcome to God, who is my ultimate employer. There always has been a meaning, purpose, and plan for my life, I just have to remember that it’s not up to me to know (or understand) all of the details.
He simply told me that the company was going through a reorganization instituted by the new CEO who arrived last August, and that I was being laid off with several others who worked for my manager. After six months, just like that, I lost a permanent full-time job, along with the perks that I didn’t have for the two years I worked as a contractor: the health insurance , sick leave, accrued vacation, 401(k) plans, stock options, and the 20 minute commute.
It seems so straightforward now, as if it was somehow scripted to happen the way that it did. Yet, as I look back over two years ago when I began this journey, every step that I have taken along the way haven't been as orderly as I would like (see my post Changing Times). There have been many forks along the way, where my choices have brought me to a place where I am today. Along with those choices has been the endless chatter of Doom and Gloom (or those self-centered fears of losing what I have or not getting what I want) that made me constantly worry about would happen if the other shoe fell.
Well, at least for today, the other shoe has fallen on solid ground. As has happened many times before, I've updated my resume and my LinkedIn profile, as well as contacted recruiters who know me. But I have also made the choice today to ask for help from friends and colleagues, and they gave encouragement and support in return. I also asked God on a daily basis to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives (see New Year's Resolution).
I realize that I am only really responsible for the footwork, and that I need to turn over the outcome to God, who is my ultimate employer. There always has been a meaning, purpose, and plan for my life, I just have to remember that it’s not up to me to know (or understand) all of the details.
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