Three Rules (Epilogue)

I reflected on an article that states 20 years from now the only people who will remember that you worked late are your children. You see, I never took the time when I graduated from college to settle down, get married, and raise a family. Instead, I lived vicariously as a parental figure to my goddaughter Janelle (who still calls me Ninong), my nieces Lauren and Lacie (who still call me Uncle Joe), and my grandkids Deja, Dillon,  and Jayla (who still call me Tata Joe). 

I focused  my time on a “career” that consisted of 17 jobs since I graduated from college  (being employed anywhere from six months to six years). During that time, I survived 7 layoffs lasting anywhere from 3 to 11 months. I also worked as a contractor for three different companies in four years. Every time, I managed to put food on the table, clothes on my back, a roof over my head, and put a few dollars in the bank for a rainy day as I accepted that my “career” would often consist of looking for the next job.

So, I consider my biggest achievement is the time and attention that I devoted to my "babies". Through a lifetime of family gatherings  such as birthday parties and backyard barbecues, I loved each of them as though they were my own, doting on them and spoiling them for sure, but also ready with a stern word should the occasion arise. 

And when I got laid off for the first time in 1994, it gave me time to do more than just put food on the table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head — it also gave me the chance to spend time with my goddaughter Janelle and recite my three rules for the first time: 

    • "Please and thank you."

    • "You have to listen." 

    • "You cannot always have your way."

Those rules served as a compass when that day eventually came, they could go to farther off places and I know they would be all right.

"Please and thank you” is a reminder to be respectful of others, and that “No” is a complete sentence (no reason needs to be given).

"You have to listen” is a reminder to consider others in your choices and be accountable to others for your actions.

"You cannot always have your way” is a reminder that if it is not possible for you to accept people, places, situations, or outcomes for what they are, then it is probably about “you” rather than about “them”.

When it came time, I let them go so they could close their eyes, dream big, open their eyes, and work hard to make their dreams come true. I only remind them that just as important as what they accomplish in their careers is the kind of person they become along the way.