Three Rules (Coninued)

I took the opportunity to let go of my goddaughter so she can make her dreams come true. You see, I never took the time after graduating from college to settle down, get married, and raise a family. Rather, I lived vicariously as a parental figure to my goddaughter (now 29 and starting a career in Silicon Valley). Through a lifetime of family gatherings such as birthday parties and backyard barbecues, I loved her as though she was my own daughter, doting on her and spoiling her for sure, but also ready with a stern word should the occasion arise.

I first became aware that the work environment for my goddaughter is much different than the one I began my career when I read that the company where she works announced a 9% layoff. You see, I already grew accustomed to a routine of waiting for the other shoe to drop having bounced between being a contractor and a full-time employee for the past 20 years. I leave without a trace after 6 pm since I no longer fret about the “golden handcuffs” (such as health insurance, sick leave, accrued vacation, 401(k) plans, and stock options) that shackle other full-time employees to the notion of “job security”.

Still, I did not quite know how to prepare her for such a future. So I decided to share my experience, strength, and hope as words of encouragement to sustain her on her journey (as well as pass them on to others who may need the same encouragement):

"Ever since I held you in my arms the day of your baptism, you have had a special place in my heart. You are starting a career in a world that has radically changed since your parents and I graduated. First of all, there were no iPhones and Internet (which meant before e-mail, Web browsing, texting, or streaming).

We are part of the “Old School” where you always carried around a dime to make a call from a phone booth (when there were phone booths), listened to our boom boxes (which tended to be as big as we could carry), and there was no substitute for the Internet because the very idea wasn’t even around until you were in elementary school.

I have been thinking long and hard for awhile about any words of wisdom that I can share with you that would help as you start out on your professional career. I even go back a few years ago when I gave you a book on career planning (The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore) that I hoped would prepare you for the many job searches that will occur in your work life—some you will get to choose, some that will be chosen for you.

You see, my “career” has consisted of 17 jobs since I graduated from college in 1981 (being employed anywhere from six months to six years). During that time, I have survived 7 layoffs lasting anywhere from 3 to 11 months. I have also worked as a contractor for three different companies in the past four years. Every time, I managed to put food on the table, clothes on my back, a roof over my head, and put a few dollars in the bank for a rainy day as I accept that my “career” will often consist of looking for the next job.

On the other hand, just as important as what you accomplish in your career, is the kind of person you become along the way. You see, when I got laid off for the first time in 1994 (when you were not even in kindergarten), it gave me time to do more than just put food on the table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head — it also gave me the opportunity to spend time with you and recite my three rules (as necessary): “Please and thank you. You have to listen. You cannot always have your way.” These rules will serve as your compass because they are the values that your parents and I have raised you so that, when that day eventually comes, you can go to farther off places and we know you will be all right.

"Please and thank you” is a reminder to be respectful of others, and that “No” is a complete sentence (no reason needs to be given).

"You have to listen” is a reminder to consider others in your choices and be accountable to others for your actions.

"You cannot always have your way” is a reminder that if it is not possible for you to accept people, places, situations, or outcomes for what they are, then it is probably about “you” rather than about “them”.

So, my fondest wish is that you find your path to a fulfilling life, passionate and exciting, with the knowledge that God has given you a purpose, meaning, and plan with the full support of your Mom, Dad, and I.”