The first time that I got laid off, there was a reorganization and I was odd man out. The second time that I got laid off, I said to the boss what others merely dream of saying. The third time I tried to be a good boy and did what the boss said, but it didn't make any difference. The fourth time I was a good boy, but the company folded anyways after a year . This last time, I was not only a good boy, but a loyal company man as well for six years (with what I thought was that ticket to retirement).
Whether I was a victim of circumstances that was beyond my control or my actions were the direct cause of my demise, I still was the one left outside looking in...apart, alone, and most definitely afraid. Fear will make you do interesting things--especially if it's those self-centered fears of losing what I have or not getting what I want. Self-centered fears will create both resentments that spur me to lash out or self-pity that allow me to sulk in a corner.
So what do I do with those fears when I actually land that next job? Well, I just bring them along for the ride into the most callous and ruthless arena--the work world. Job security is usually what's it's called. Play by the rules, do as you are told, don't speak out of turn.
But, this time around, something is different. The rules have changed because I am now a contractor--a hired gun paid from nine to five to do the job, then leave without a trace. I have none of the benefits (such as health insurance , sick leave, accrued vacation, 401(k) plans, and stock options) that tie permanent employees to their employer with "golden handcuffs". It is clear by my current status that I am the only one responsible for making the decisions to put food on the table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head--including when my choices concerning emotional security and material security grow to a house with a two car garage (with the SUV and the sedan parked in the driveway) and that almighty Roth IRA for retirement.
Still, I realize that I am only really responsible for the footwork, and that I need to turn over the outcome to God, who is my ultimate employer. There always has been a meaning, purpose, and plan for my life, I just have to remember that it's not up to me to know (or understand) all of the details.
