I do admit that I have been hard on myself (and others) lately. The surgery went well, but then I lost my wallet after leaving the hospital and stopping for lunch. I spent the weekend feeling better physically, but worried that someone would not only charge on my credit cards, but also steal my identity and ruin my credit score. After frantically cancelling credit cards and filing fraud alerts with the credit reporting agencies, I found that my wallet had actually fallen behind the printer that sits under my desk (sigh).
So, before I start feeling too sorry for myself for wasting my precious time, I'll restart my day by counting the blessings that did come my way:
- I feel no pain. That is, I feel much the same way as I did before the first surgery a year ago -- before the physical pain of the bladder infections, the mental anguish of being disabled, and the spiritual void of losing touch with a loving God.
- I feel no resentments. Blaming the the first surgeon, my family, and my colleagues at work for what could be easily called a shitty year is not my thing today because I'm beginning to accept that life does just happen this way (see my previous post).
- I see my attitude has changed from "the glass is half empty" to "the glass is half full". Perhaps a small change (like making lemonade when you're given lemons), but I hope one that will lead to better and more fulfilling choices.
- I can move on now that my footwork is done and I have turned the outcome over to God. I put my life on hold to deal with the financial and emotional insecurity of losing a job and preparing for surgery. Perhaps, for the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that today is the first day of the rest of my life.
