It's nearly six months since I started my new job, yet I get a sense at times that I have been there and done that. I admit that I have a habit of dragging my past into the present as I turn feelings into “facts”. It's like I have a knack for subtly distorting present circumstances with past disappointments, frustrations, and anxieties. So it is only with persistent and conscious effort is it possible for me to not slip into a whirlpool of negativity and see how such feelings become false evidence appearing real (or just plain fear).
You see, there was a time when I was out of work and trying to second guess the interviewers so that I could convince them (and perhaps myself as well) that I was the perfect candidate for the position. I ended up settling for less money than I was making at my previous job, then there was an additional 10% reduction that was imposed on all employees as a cost-cutting measure. To make matters worse, on my first day on that job, I discovered that the company laid off five writers and their manager, then replaced them with just me (because apparently most of the development work was off-shored to Russia).
So, almost nine years later, I find myself (again) staring at rows of empty cubicles as I make my way to mine, and I "fear" that my past is about to become my present. My take home salary hasn't changed since my time as a contractor, but my employer has imposed furlough days as a cost-cutting measure. Likewise, a colleague informed me that our employer did lay off a team of writers and their manager before they hired just him two years prior (but we are working with the development team who emigrated from Russia).
Still, times have changed. With the unemployment rate still at 12.5% rate, my resume was carefully screened for the perfect fit by the recruiter before I was offered a permanent job with the perks that I didn't have for the two years I worked as as a contractor -- the health insurance , sick leave, accrued vacation, 401(k) plans, and stock options. Besides that, the project is interesting, the people are nice, and my commute is only 20 minutes.
What more can I ask for?
Perhaps I should be grateful that I am not disappointed with the outcome, since I know that my fortunes are indeed changing as God does for me what I cannot do for myself.
