I think that's what's called acceptance. Some person, place, thing, or situation is not to my liking, but it is what it is and beyond my control. Life on life's terms is acceptance, because I do not often get to choose the people, places, things, or situations that I get to face on a day-today (or even minute-to-minute) basis--it usually just happens.
With acceptance comes gratitude. Sine I am only responsible for my attitudes and my actions, I can turn the outcome to a God of my understanding who wants the best for all. So, here is my gratitude list for Thanksgiving:
- I feel no pain. That is, I feel much the same way as I did before the first surgery a year ago -- before the physical pain of the bladder infections, the mental anguish of being disabled, and the spiritual void of losing touch with a loving God.
- I feel no resentments. Blaming the the first surgeon, my family, and my colleagues at work for what could be easily called a shitty year is not my thing today because I'm beginning to accept that life does just happen this way (even if it felt unfair).
- I see my attitude has changed from "the glass is half empty" to "the glass is half full" through periods of unemployment, poor health, and grieving. Perhaps a small change (like making lemonade when you're given lemons), but I hope one that will lead to better and more fulfilling choices.
- I can move on now that my footwork is done and I have turned the outcome over to God. I put my life on hold to deal with the financial and emotional insecurity of losing a job and preparing for surgery. I am now employed and received a clean bill of health from the second surgeon--because God did for me what I could not do for myself.
